


Cancelled Out

by ahuehuehueee



Series: Insecurities: Takaomi [1]
Category: Oresama Sensei | Oresama Teacher
Genre: Gen, Welcome to the Friendzone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4882654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahuehuehueee/pseuds/ahuehuehueee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takaomi knew that look. Mafuyu wasn't looking at his direction. Her eyes were looking sideward and glazed, thinking of something far off in the distance, thinking of someone else in the distance. Of course, the boy was about her age, not someone seven years her senior. He should have known this would have happened. Takaomi wasn't naïve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cancelled Out

**Author's Note:**

> Re-posted from FF.net without the unnecessary commentaries XD  
> The general disclaimer I put on my profile applies to this story. :D

Takaomi knew that something was wrong. His instincts were wailing loudly in his head, alerting his senses. Maybe it was from the years of fighting before he became the teacher that he is. Or maybe it was from the few years of teaching he had under his belt after he let go of the delinquent he was. Wherever he got those instincts didn't matter. He just  _knew_  something wasn't quite right.

His uneasiness never showed on his face, however. His expression of collectedness was one he had to perfect over the years, one born from necessity as he needed to control his emotions. He needed to at least appear calm for his plans about reclaiming Midorigaoka to work.

The mask stayed on even if Mafuyu was currently sitting on his floor. No, it stayed on  _because_ Mafuyu was sitting on his floor. Aside from twisting occasionally to tease his childhood friend, his expression has not slipped. Not even when Mafuyu quietly knocked on his door over an hour ago. Looking back, that should have been a warning enough. Mafuyu was a lot of things, but not quiet; at least, not around him.

Mafuyu had walked into his room in a daze. He felt slightly irritated when she ignored his greeting  _("Coming over to eat for free - again?"),_ and just to spite her he even cooked her dinner that screamed inedible (not that his usual fare was edible to begin with). She ate the abomination quietly, not even giving him her usual token resistance that he so enjoyed. After she had cleaned her plate and brought out the Mathematics homework that was probably the sole reason she had dropped by without uttering so much a squeak, Takaomi was already downright pissed and confused.

She had changed her position so that she was now sprawled across the floor, arms outstretched while her hands held her open notebook. Her things were scattered all over his coffee table, her pens raging a war against her notebook and books as they all lay in a messy haphazard pile on the surface. Her eyes squinted at the open page of her Math notebook (he called it that even if he knew that she only had one notebook for all her subjects because  _he_ is her  _Math_  teacher after all) and Takaomi knew she wasn't processing anything at all. As a matter of fact, it looked like she was seeing something far off in the distance instead of her horribly written notes confounded with her garish doodles. After a few minutes, she sighed, sat up, and loudly complained, "I just don't understand anything anymore!"

With Mafuyu's declaration of incomprehension, Takaomi relaxed inwardly. He could handle this kind of Mafuyu, not a quiet Mafuyu. He made his way from his kitchen to sit beside her and picked up the notebook from her hands. He shrugged off as dramatically as he could and quipped, "Thinking never was your best suit, Mafuyu."

Mafuyu shot him a dirty look, and a part of Takaomi was delighted that he finally succeeded in getting her to react. He gave her a look of his own in return. His eyebrows rose slightly even if his face stayed the same, his way of asking  _will-you-tell-me-what's-wrong-or-do-I-need-to-make-you._

Mafuyu moved her mouth as if she was about to say something, but stopped halfway through and clamped them shut. She paused for a while before finally answering, "I just can't understand the homework you gave us."

He wasn't buying it, but he still played along. He flipped a few pages of her notebook to remember what he last taught to the second year class she belonged to. He found the page reserved for Mathematics. Mafuyu was a careless liar, pretending to read Math notes when she had her notebook open at her History notes.

"Factoring?"

"Yeah, that part. I can't understand anything."

"But this is elementary algebra."

"…"

He pulled out a pen from the pile that formed in his table (while Mafuyu lacked notebooks, she had an insane amount of pens), and started writing down examples he would let Mafuyu solve. She didn't expect to lie and get away with it, did she?

"Solve these," he ordered as he lightly shoved her notebook back to her. She gulped audibly, and gave him one of her  _I-was-just-kidding_ glances. "Do I have to do them now?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied with mock innocence. "How do you expect to learn without practice?"

Not even a few minutes had passed before Mafuyu looked blankly at the notebook in front of her, hand alert to be used to write the answers that never came. He tapped his pen impatiently, and after a few more minutes, grabbed her notebook back and placed it in front of him.

"These are just difference of squares examples, Mafuyu," Takaomi explained patronizingly. They both knew that he knew that Mafuyu's absentmindedness wasn't due to the homework he gave. Usually, he would keep quiet and make Mafuyu uncomfortable enough with the silence to make her talk about whatever is bothering her. But today was not one of those days. Takaomi had been on edge ever since Mafuyu entered his room, and that nagging feeling that something  _bad_  was about to happen kept tugging at his gut.

"The difference of squares is probably the most basic when factoring quadratic expressions. How could you  _not_ understand them?" he rambled on, only half meaning whatever he was saying. "When you factor them, you just take the square root of the two terms and place it on the left and right portion of the parentheses in the same order they appear, and then put a plus sign between them in the first parenthesis, and a minus sign in the second, or vice versa. You can check them by multiplying them properly, and you'll see that the middle term gets cancelled out, like it never existed."

Mafuyu gave him a funny look when she heard his last remark. "You know, if I hadn't known you, I would have thought that you almost felt  _sorry_ for the middle term. It's creepy. Don't do that."

He laughed lightly at this, and smirked at her. "You wound me," he replied with mock hurt in his voice.

Mafuyu laughed at that, and Takaomi was glad. She stopped after a while and slipped into contemplative silence. "Takaomi-kun," she began.

"Hm?" he replied, not glancing away from the notebook where he was writing down some tips in factoring. Whether his homework was the reason Mafuyu came over his house today or not didn't matter. He knew that she would still find it difficult when she actually tried to answer it on her own. When she didn't answer, he stopped writing and raised his head to look at her.

 _Oh._ Takaomi knew that look. Mafuyu wasn't looking at his direction. Her eyes were looking sideward and glazed, thinking of something far off in the distance, thinking of  _someone else_ in the distance. All too sudden, her gaze was too much, too soon, and he looked away and turned his attention to her notebook again.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" he asked, thankful that his voice kept a tone of indifference when every heartbeat ever since he realized what was wrong was so painful and loud he had to wonder why Mafuyu can't hear it.

Another pregnant silence followed after, and Takaomi was stuck with his own thoughts.

Takaomi was a sentimental person. He knew that. But he would probably never admit it out loud when sober. But the fact of the matter is, he knows he is still a sentimental brat, stuck in a bratty stage with selfish desires, such as keeping people who truly knew how he was close, close,  _close_ to his heart, and Mafuyu was one of those people, probably the  _only_  one not in his immediate family, probably the  _only_  one who really truly tried to know him, unintentionally or not. And he was really fond of Mafuyu, really, really―

―really, he loves her more than he would care to admit, more than he can confess to himself even if he was aware that it was there all along but there is only so much a person can take and his other selfish desires ( _school, grandpa_ ) came first so how can he, how could he think of something else when even his body is being pushed to the limit because of the bet―

"Someone confessed to me," Mafuyu started again, and Takaomi was thankfully relieved of his thoughts temporarily, "a few weeks ago."

"Oh," was all he could reply. He put up a contemplative look outside, but inside his thoughts were swirling:  _how come I didn't notice, how come I never knew, how come, how come_. A part of him wanted to ask who it was.  _Was it Hayasaka? Was it Okegawa? Was it someone he didn't know?_ The urge to ask was great, but he held his ground. He knew it was unfair for her; knew how loyal she was to the people she deemed worthy, and if it was someone she could get  _that look_ for (she's trying to fight the flush threatening to spread over her cheeks like wildfire, he knows, because she knows that she is talking to him, and that he would undoubtedly tease her for it which he might for the sake of appearances and to cover up  _his_ distress) then she would not crack. He knew what it felt to be on the receiving end of her unwavering loyalty, so he knew he could never force her to tell him.

"Love problems," he drawled out. "You came over to ask about love problems?" He raised his eyebrow in question while he looked straight at her.

Mafuyu lost her battle and turned as red as a ripe strawberry. "I don't have anyone else to ask! It's not like I have any girl friends."

A pang resounded deep within his heart. Takaomi knew that was his fault. Thinking of it now, everything really was his fault. Teaching Mafuyu how to fight for the sake of her interesting reactions was probably the root cause of her stunted relationships with females, and since she didn't have any other options, she was forced to have close relationships with males instead. Really, Takaomi couldn't help but think of how stupid he had been.

"I need to get a drink before you tell me anything else," he said in an effort to break his own thoughts even for a while.

"But there's still school tomo―"

"Not like I usually get teenage girls to tell me their love life on a Wednesday night anyway," he retorted, as he made his way to his refrigerator to get a can of beer.

He should have known this would have happened; Takaomi wasn't naïve. But there was a part of his heart that believed that Mafuyu was a person who had no walls. He clung to the belief that Mafuyu let anyone in her heart; that she had no defenses whatsoever so that even former enemies can become friends in her undiscriminating mind. He supposed that was who she was, and supposed that her lack of defenses was ironically her highest defense; that her lack of discrimination for people that made all people her potential friends also caused her to not single out anyone as someone truly  _special_  to her. He had carelessly forgotten that there were no defenses that could not be breached by a determined man.

Clearly he didn't try hard enough.

He probably had a chance. He just grew complacent with the hold he had on her ( _onii-san, childhood friend, mentor, teacher, crush_ ) and stopped trying. He became too lax, too sleazy, and too confident. And he really should have tried harder, because he knew she didn't deserve such treatment, because he knew that underneath it all Mafuyu was also a person who also had her own bratty stage with selfish desires.

And knowing that he probably just blew all his chances just made his heart ache a little more.

He settled once again beside her, crossing his legs as he sat down on the floor. He raised his eyebrows once again as he simultaneously sipped his beer and looked at Mafuyu. Mafuyu correctly took it as her signal to proceed with his story (he really couldn't help but wonder how Mafuyu knew how to read every gesture of his).

Of course, the boy was about her age, not someone seven years her senior. Of course, he was awkward while confessing, like most teenage boys were, like even men way older than he were. Of course, there was a gift, meat and potato stew in a casserole and some flowers he handpicked somewhere, and Takaomi couldn't help but applaud the boy for knowing that Mafuyu doesn't give a shit about romance but cared greatly for food. Of course, Mafuyu got flustered and hit the boy but ate the stew anyway and took home the flowers. Of course. Of course. She told him the story while pretending to be indifferent, but he knew that the actions of the boy, whoever he was, was getting to her (what else would be the reason why they were talking about it right now?) and worming his way through the not-there-but-actually-there defenses of her heart. Really, that worm.

Mafuyu told him the story in one breath, complete with animated gestures that she tried to restrain. She was really worked up about the whole thing, probably because the whole concept was foreign to her. After she had said all she had wanted to say, she looked at him, confusion apparent in her eyes.

"Are you sure you aren't just fantasizing the whole thing up?" he said with a bored tone. He wished it really was just an overly complicated product of that active imagination of hers.

"Of course not!"

Takaomi inwardly sighed. It was really happening. He thought about telling her to tell the boy no; thought about telling her to stay with him, even if doing so would make her confused and cause another myriad of problems he didn't want to face. He wanted to keep her, to make her stay by his side, because damn it, he really did adore her, no matter how twisted he shows his affection―

―but he can't. Not when he knows that Mafuyu also feels something for her suitor. Not when he was older than her, and it caused him insecurities more than anything. Not when there was also that secret from long ago; the secret he couldn't bring himself to tell Mafuyu, because more than anything, he wanted her to stay with him, and the uncertainty of how she would react made him more afraid than anything else in the world.

More than anything, Takaomi is a coward, and wants nothing else but to keep the people who know him close, even if the person is Mafuyu. He wants nothing but to make Mafuyu see him the way  _he_ sees her, but the risk that she will leave him is worse than staying as her friend forever. Or so he convinces himself.

"What do I do?" Mafuyu asked, once again snapping him out of his reverie.

 _Stay with me._ "―Thinking never was your best suit, Mafuyu."

"Hey, I'm being serious here!" Mafuyu reacted, and for a second, Takaomi thought that they are back to normal; back to the impasse he had Mafuyu in for a few years, back to when he could pretend that he felt nothing for her.

"Don't overuse your brain. Just act impulsively like you always do. Otherwise, your brain really might explode from overheating," he answered while keeping his emotions shut inside his own heart. Mafuyu wanted advice, and he would give her the best advice he could. He took another sip of his beer before continuing. "Besides, this is one of those things you just don't think of. This is a thing you just do."

Mafuyu was silent for a while. "Ah really," he added. "You are so unfaithful. What happened to 'What is this? My heart's in pain!'"

Mafuyu let the last remark slide, because she knew that somehow, Takaomi's advice was sincere. She smiled at him and it caught him off guard, making him freeze for a while.

"Thank you."

Takaomi also smiled gently at that, and patted her hair. He knew this might be the last time he would be able to do that.

"Now get out of my room," he said with a tone of finality, and she stuffed all of her stuff back into her bag as haphazardly as she let them scatter all over his coffee table in the first place. He got up as well when she started making her way to the door and followed her.

"Goodnight, Takaomi-kun."

Takaomi sniffed in reply. Mafuyu was now on the other side of the door, and the chill of the night slowly made its way into his room. He couldn't help but feel like he was sending her off to some faraway place that made him feel like things will never be the same again. A part of him still wanted to cling to her, tell her to stay please stay with me stay stay stay―

"Yeah," he said, and quietly closed the door.

**_Q.E.D._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't know whether I'll continue this or not. I'm leaning to no mainly because I don't know where to take it afterwards. :))


End file.
